I feel comfortable at work. There are many, many things I've yet to learn, and bits of paperwork I miss every once in awhile, but I feel easeful with the work itself. My experience as a doula and familiarity with the birthing process may have much to do with it, but somehow, I feel it is more than that.
I think I am doing what I am meant to do. I have followed my passion and it has led me here. And as I continue to follow my passion, I continue to find myself greeted with exactly what I need. I have an openness, a willingness, a desire to meet each moment with my full attention and presence. I want to learn, I want to fullfill my potential. It is good to do what I love.
I am learning about my own limitations, areas in which I need to pay more attention, things I need to spend more time on. I know that today I forgot to share some information in a report. I assume there are elements of the massive amounts of paperwork that I most likely failed to fill in properly. I am confidant I did the majority of the work well and correctly, but I am aware of the great possiblity for missing something, or multiple somethings as the case may be.
I did a blood draw today. I successfully filled the tube, which ended up being the wrong tube. Thankfully I did not need to do another draw. Unfortunately the site infiltrated, which means the patient ended up with a hematoma and bruising. I felt badly for her. It will probably be pretty painful for awhile. But I was proud of myself for the successful draw! I look for successes where I can.
I find myself comforted when experienced nurses encounter the same difficulties as I. For instance, today, for some reason, I could not get any of the thermometers to work for me. One after the other they didn't work. I've been using these same thermometers for weeks. I wasn't doing anything differently today. I couldn't figure it out. I asked my preceptor to try using them and she was having the same issue as me. It made me feel better to know it wasn't just me doing something blatently wrong with something as simple as a thermometer. Other times I can't figure something out, like how to program a pump that's different from all the other pumps on the unit and completely new to me, so I mess with it for a few minutes, then have to leave the room and ask my preceptor for help. Most of the time I handle these situations by using humor, poking fun at myself, etc. I don't worry too much about it. It doesn't bother me a lot. But I don't like to appear clueless to my patients. I want them to feel confidant in my ability to care well for them. To trust in my competence.
So far it seems they do not mind my small blunders. I think my honesty helps to put them at ease. We shall see.